how to deal with difficult people and annoying people

how  to deal with difficult people and annoying people

1. Listen. Listening is the number one step in dealing with "unreasonable" people. Everyone wants to feel heard. No progress can take place until the other person feels acknowledged. While you're listening, really focus on what the other person is saying, not what you want to say next.
2. Stay calm. When a situation is emotionally charged, it's easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment. Monitor your breathing. Try to take some slow, deep breaths.
3. Don’t judge. You don't know what the other person is going through. Chances are, if a person is acting unreasonable, they are likely feeling some sort of vulnerability or fear.
4. Reflect respect and dignity toward the other person. No matter how a person is treating you, showing contempt will not help productively resolve the situation.
5. Look for the hidden need. What is this person really trying to gain? What is this person trying to avoid?
6. Look for others around you who might be able to help. If you’re at work and there’s an irate customer, quickly scan to see if a colleague is close by.
7. Don't demand compliance. For example, telling someone who's upset to be quiet and calm down will just make him or her irate. Instead, ask the person what they are upset about—and allow them to vent.
8. Saying, "I understand," usually makes things worse. Instead, say, “Tell me more so I can understand better.”
9. Avoid smiling, as this may look like you are mocking the person.Similarly, humor can sometimes lighten the mood, but more often than not, it’s risky and it may backfire.
10. Don’t act defensively. This is tough. You’re naturally not enjoying the other person saying nasty things or things that you know aren’t true. You’re going to want to defend yourself. But the other person is so emotionally revved up, it’s not going to help. Remember, this is not about you. Don’t take it personally. (I know, easier said than done.)